Addiction doesn’t just affect the individual, it affects everyone around them

Ann’s Story 

Christmas is often considered to be the most wonderful time of the year, filled with joy, love, and precious memories with family and friends. However, for some, it can also be a time of sadness, loneliness, and painful memories. Ann, our administrator from Steps Together at Rainford Hall, has bravely shared her personal experience of growing up with an alcoholic parent during Christmas.

“Christmas time is not always a joyful event, for some it can be filled with unpleasant memories, leaving a sour taste in one’s mouth.  I for one cannot see beyond my past experiences which instilled in me a true distain for the Christmas period.

When I was a young girl, I remember being so excited about Santa and all the magic that surrounded this special period, until I was old enough to understand the reality of addiction and how it can present itself.  My dad was an alcoholic and a very volatile man when under the influence of alcohol, as I’m sure you can imagine with all the excesses that this time brings, he was beyond control.  My mum always tried to keep the peace but if never lasted to the end of the day.

I remember my friends talking about how they were allowed to stay up a little later on Christmas Eve to lay out the treats for Santa’s visit, I also remember being in bed as early as possible before dad got home from the pub so that he didn’t see us, out of sight out of mind kept us safe.  I remember lying in bed under the covers so that I couldn’t hear the shouting and the smashing and banging, I tried not to listen to my mum crying while she rearranged the Christmas tree and fixed the presents underneath.

Christmas morning would arrive, my mum would be quietly preparing the huge dinner she made for us, while my dad would sit like butter wouldn’t melt, not remembering the havoc he had caused the night before, the only reminder would be mum’s black eye or bruised arms which she desperately tried to cover or the very wonky looking tree.

Over the years, going into my teens, disappointment and fear was all I knew especially at times of celebration like Christmas and New Year.  When I left home at around the age of 16, I thought about how I could change the way I felt and how I could make it magical again, people around me were always so excited I thought it would be easy, alas that was not to be, I just couldn’t find any joy.  When I had my own children, I made the best Christmas celebrations I could possibly imagine for my family, yet I still never felt safe or excited.  When addiction causes so much pain and misery to others around you it stays with them for a very long time, I have never forgiven my dad for all the trauma he put us through, even after he passed I still can’t, nor do I want to in all honesty.

As a young girl being frightened to see what carnage had happened the night before Christmas, year after year, took the shine away for me for the rest of my life.  I am now in my mid 50’s with grown up children of my own and I still can’t get past all those memories to enjoy such a special day.  Addiction doesn’t just affect the individual, it affects everyone around them, some of whom can never forget nor forgive. “  Ann, Administrator at Rainford Hall

Ann’s story serves as a reminder that while Christmas may be a time of celebration for lots of people, it can also be a time of struggle. It is essential to remember that not everyone’s holiday experience is the same, and we should show compassion and empathy towards those who may be going through a tough time. Ann’s courage in sharing her experience is a testament to the strength and resilience of those who have overcome adversity.

Effects of Alcoholism and Addiction on children 

Growing up in a household with an alcoholic or addicted parent can be far-reaching and long-lasting. It can leave a lasting impact on a child’s development, self-esteem, and overall wellbeing. Children may feel a sense of shame, guilt, and helplessness as they witness the erratic behaviour of their parent and the chaos that comes along with addiction.

One of the biggest challenges for children of alcoholics is the constant uncertainty and instability in their own home environment. They may never know what to expect from their parent, whether they will be sober or intoxicated, loving or abusive. This can all lead to feelings of fear, anxiety, and a lack of trust in others around them.

Moreover, children of alcoholics or addicts may take on adult roles and responsibilities at a young age, such as caring for their parent or younger siblings, as their parent may not be able to fulfil these duties due to their addiction or poor mental health. This can often rob them of their childhood and hinder their social and emotional development.

As these children grow up, they may struggle with a range of issues including:

• Low self-esteem
• Trust issues
• Difficulty forming healthy relationships
• Self-destructive behaviors
• Higher risk of developing addiction and mental health issues themselves

The trauma and emotional scars left by their childhood experiences can resurface in their adult lives, leading to a ripple effect of pain and dysfunction.

Support for children of alcoholics or addicts

Growing up as a child of an alcoholic or addict can have a profound impact on their life. However, it is not a life sentence, and healing is possible. With the right support and resources, these individuals can overcome their traumas, break the cycle of addiction and mental health issues, and lead happy and fulfilling lives. If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction or poor mental health, please reach out for help. No one should have to suffer alone.

Support services and parental substance use helplines

Narcoa – Providing information, advice and support for everyone affected by a parent’s drinking

Al anon – Al-Anon Family Groups UK & Eire is there for anyone whose life is or has been affected by someone else’s drinking.

Alateen – Alateen is for teenage relatives and friends of alcoholics. Alateen is part of Al-Anon

Childline – A free, private and confidential service where you can talk about anything. Online, on the phone, anytime.

Family Therapy & Mediation

At Steps Together, we understand how important family members and loved ones are during the process of wellbeing and recovery. Like many people suffering with addiction and poor mental health, your loved ones have been through their own journey of suffering and poor mental health and wellbeing.

Addiction or Mental Health doesn’t discriminate, and can affect everyone in the family in its own way! If you’d like further information please visit www.stepstogether.co.uk or, for a free and confidential discussion please call 0330 175 7031 today to speak to our friendly treatment advisors.